2019. The end of a decade, and also the end of a very large chapter of my life. 2019 started out great and wonderful. I was growing and learning more about myself. I started going to therapy and joined a club on campus, added a major, and started doing more things that made me happy. My mental health started getting better and I thought I was on the verge of finally being happy and content with my life. Then, I found out my husband wasn’t happy in our marriage and that he was cheating on me. 2019 has been a WHIRLWIND. But it happened, and I’m anxious but so ready to see what the 20s hold for me. God carried me this far, and He’s with me every step I take.
Halfway through the year I realized how much I loved my sister’s way of recapping each month- making a collage of her favorite pictures. I decided to do this too so I could look back at the memories I had with people I love. (Because I started this a few months ago, most months contain pictures with my ex, but I’m leaving them because even though I’m moving on, I don’t want to erase what’s happened.)
I started out 2019 in North Carolina with Shane and my friends Lauren and Chey. We visited the Biltmore Estate and spent an evening in Atlanta, GA before I headed back to Missouri for school. The semester started with a bang and I got to hang out with some friends. At the end of the month, Shane and I went to Miami for Tiffany’s wedding.
After traveling so much in January, February was a much quieter month. I went home a couple times for my old high school’s homecoming (courtwarming?) and to see Brenna play Belle in Beauty and the Beast. Instant Karma, game night with friends, and going to book club on campus took up the rest of my days, along with homework and work.
March was another crazy month. Shane and I traveled to Chicago to spend a day with Chey and Levi, and a week later I went to St Louis for the Sigma Tau Delta convention! Captain Marvel came out this month and I got more involved with the English department on campus. March was a good month.
April was definitely one of the busiest months of 2019. We were reaching the end of the semester, so I had a ton of homework to do every night. I became an English major and was inducted into Sigma Tau Delta, threw Rachelle a Friends themed bridal shower, turned 21 on Easter Sunday, watched Brenna play Cinderella, and had a Harry Potter themed birthday party. With all this, and the weather growing warmer, it was a busy but great month.
I’m gonna stop saying each month was busy and you can just assume that each one was. I finished up my spring semester with a Sigma Tau Delta picnic, ran a Harry Potter-themed 5k, went home for a weekend for Briar and Brenna’s high school graduation (where I got to see family and friends I hadn’t seen in a long time, and watched Brenna perform at Silver Dollar City), started my internship at Big Brothers Big Sisters, and celebrated Rachelle’s marriage with her bachelorette party!
Sweet summertime. I worked a lot during the week (my internship and two jobs) but the weekends I had for fun! Rachelle got married (yay!!), I went to VegFest in Kansas City, went to a drive-in movie with Shane, and had an awesome night swimming and shooting off fireworks with friends!
Brenna and I started out July in Tulsa for a Sister Day, I ate a ton of Pineapple Bliss, went to Crystal Bridges with my family, went swimming, and did a ton of work at Big Brothers Big Sisters for my internship.
AUGUST. Finished up my internship and went to DISNEY WORLD with my old roommates, moved Brenna into college at Myrtle Beach, SC, and started a new semester. It isn’t much in writing but it was a LOT living it. Such a great month.
I did SO much work with Sigma Tau Delta, started reading War and Peace, and had homework due every night. I also went to the Flint Hills Shakespeare Festival, helped out at Third Thursday, learned swing dancing with Jaycee, went hiking with Shane, accomplished some awesome things in yoga, went kayaking with my parents, and celebrated Shane’s 21st birthday with friends.
OCTOBER. What. A. Month. I saw one of my favorite artists in concert, traveled to Seattle by myself, got to see Kathryn again after almost a year apart, and continued to help with Sigma Tau Delta events and lots of homework.
November was the month everything started to fall apart. I was enjoying life and halfway through Shane told me he was considering a divorce. I tried to keep living my life and enjoyed the release of Disney+, went to Disney World with Brenna and her friends (where I finally got to see Galaxy’s Edge), and spent Thanksgiving with my family in South Carolina.
The last month of 2019. The last month of a decade. I came home from South Carolina and somehow managed to survive finals week. I found out Shane had been lying to me and cheating on me, and had a lot of support from so many friends and family members. I found myself a new apartment and got moved in, and spent Christmas back home with family and friends. The end of a huge chapter of my life, but the beginning of a new era.
I have no idea what 2020 will hold. I graduate next December, but the other 11 months are a clear slate. I have no doubt that I will still be hurting and trying to heal and move on, but I also know that my God holds my future and He will make beauty from these ashes.
I’m not really doing New Years Resolutions (I might end up doing a similar thing as this past year with “quarter goals”) but I do have some things I’m wanting to do in 2020:
- Spend more time outside
- Keep making art
- Tell my friends “I love you” more often
- Find a church to call my home
- Learn how to give myself the love and respect I deserve
- Land a Disney Professional Internship for 2021
- Run a half marathon
Here’s to a new chapter of my life. A new year, a new decade, millions of possibilities.