I feel out of control of everything in my life.
Things are changing so rapidly and I don’t know how to cope.
I don’t know what to do or where to turn to handle everything that’s going on.
I need something that changes on my terms, something in my life I can manipulate and shape, something I can form to my own desires.
I’m tired of the way my life keeps going and I want to pause.
I want to believe that I am in charge of my own circumstances, that I have everything under control.
Everything is slipping out of my hands. My relationships are falling apart and I feel utterly alone.
Everyone and everything keeps leaving and I need something consistent and steady.
I feel unloved and lost and need guidance.
I’m taking up too much space for how small I feel inside.
I need control. Above everything else, I just need something I can control.
Nearly four years in recovery for my eating disorder and I still become overwhelmed by these thoughts and feelings. Will it ever go away?