What I Really Mean When I Say “I Feel Fat”

I feel out of control of everything in my life.

Things are changing so rapidly and I don’t know how to cope.

I don’t know what to do or where to turn to handle everything that’s going on.

I need something that changes on my terms, something in my life I can manipulate and shape, something I can form to my own desires.

I’m tired of the way my life keeps going and I want to pause.

I want to believe that I am in charge of my own circumstances, that I have everything under control.

Everything is slipping out of my hands. My relationships are falling apart and I feel utterly alone.

Everyone and everything keeps leaving and I need something consistent and steady.

I feel unloved and lost and need guidance.

I’m taking up too much space for how small I feel inside.

I need control. Above everything else, I just need something I can control.

Nearly four years in recovery for my eating disorder and I still become overwhelmed by these thoughts and feelings. Will it ever go away?

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2 thoughts on “What I Really Mean When I Say “I Feel Fat””